Monday, August 30, 2010

Blues | personal

Have you noticed how blue the skies have been this month?

Every day when I look up I see these gorgeous blue skies that I haven't seen in years, not since I was little.  I've always noticed that the sky was never as blue here in Florida because I missed those crazy saturated colors that used to appear over the mountains where we lived in Arizona when I was a kid.  Usually the skies here are a hazy white-ish blue color.  But not lately.  And every time I look up and see all that blue it makes me think of mom.

Blue was her favorite color.  The color of her beautiful eyes.  The ones that you could look into and see a gentle and kind soul looking right back at you.

I miss her every single day.  When I wake up in the morning the first thought in my head is always, "She's gone.  My mom is gone."  Sometimes I don't even have the words to describe to myself what I am feeling.

Deep sadness.

She was truly my best friend.  Who else in my life will ever love me as unconditionally as only a mother can?  I feel like we were so close, and yet...I also feel like I wasn't close enough to her.  She was taken from us...from me too soon.  Much too soon.

So, when I look up at those blue skies each day, I try to imagine that she is there, smiling back at me, just like before.

Bright blue eyes shining, gentle and loving.